“Feed the Bitch.. Feed her or she’ll die!”

If you get that quote you are as big of a Foodie as I am. It’s from Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain. Andy calls in to have Tony “Feed the Bitch” which is the sourdough bread starter or “sour” for short.

You may know this, but I did a stint in an artisan bakery for a while. That sour is a bitch. She’s fussy.. you gotta keep her happy or your bread sucks… At the bakery, feeding the sour meant rolling the 30 gallon tub out of the giant “fridge” (it was kept at around 70 degrees) and dumping in pounds of high gluten flour and a few gallons of room temp water.. and then, you guessed it.. diving in with both arms to mix it. Up to the elbow in sticky gooey chilly globs of elastic sour smelling starter.

(As an aside, next time you buy artisan sourdough bread, consider that someone with very hairy arms has been elbow deep in something that ended up in that bread. Fortunately, hair pretty much incinerates at the temps it’s baked at.. but I digress)

I have my own bitch at home. My kefir grains. Like everything else that ferments, you have to feed it. Kefir grains eat lactose, so milk. Whole milk is preferred, but in a pinch they can hang out in some 2%.

When I got my Kefir grains I was so excited! I lovingly took care of them. Now, it’s like feeding the bitch. They are important though since I feed my dogs the kefir they produce as well as make smoothies out of it for my health and my partners health.

Last night, I had Karate (and got kicked in the stomach, I might add) and then on my way home, I stopped at the grocery store (yes, in my Gi.. if you must know) and picked up stuff for dinner.

Came home, cooked said dinner and watched one episode of Twin Peaks. Did the dishes, shredded carrots for the dogs, and pulled the kefir out. Strained the grains so I could add more milk and (oh by now it’s 10PM) grabbed the milk from the fridge.

Um.. my milk went bad.. great..no biggie, I’ll just grab out the 2% that we drink…

uh.. the 2% that Shel finished that morning.

Crap. I gotta go back out.. I gotta get milk to feed the bitch.

~sigh~

I’m so tired today. After I dealt with the great Kefir Mistress, I had to finish up my wholesale order for collars and slip leads. If you want to see the mastery check out the Sew Crazy Dog Lady Blog.

I went to bed at 1AM… ZZZZZzzzzzz

Already this morning I’ve spilled coffee over my entire desk. Yippee.

About Pirate Jeni

Kitchen Witch, Eclectic Spiritualist, Psychic-Medium, Reiki Master, Conscientious Omnivore, Tarot Card Slinger, Singer of Songs, Player of Things with Four Strings.

3 Comments

  1. I shall never eat Artisan bread again! I can just imagine Niko the human gorilla elbow deep with a cigarette dangling from his lip…

    OOOH I can’t wait to hop over to the crazy sew lady to check out the collars. I am dieing to get my Mardi gras collars!

    Lora’s last blog post..I knew it wouldn’t last

  2. I have one done already… I made it a little bigger because you can always adjust it to make it a little smaller. The wider collars sometimes sit different and I wanted them to fit well.

  3. I’ll never look at a loaf of sourdough quite the same. Your Kefir sounds like a demanding mistress.

    Lynn Sinclair’s last blog post..Cone Head

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