Over the past few months, I’ve come to realize how complicated my life has become.. or more correctly, how complicated I’ve made it. Constantly feeling like I have to do something, start something, be something.
I have a million projects all started.. none finished… and not just knitting projects either… this brings a sense of chaos that I used to thrive in.. or at least I thought I did.
Lately, I find myself less willing to spend a ton of time in front of the computer.. less willing to do things that I really don’t want to do. I’m not talking about the things that HAVE to be done.. but I’ve finally realized that I’ve created all these projects so that I “don’t have time” to do the things that have to be taking care of.. like keeping the house clean, spending time with my dogs and my family.. etc etc.
What was passing for time with my family was “sitting my ass in front of the computer and killing time until it was time to go to bed”. Well, yah, that’s nice… what was happening was that I was avoiding so many things that I put on my plate that the only “safe” place away from all these projects was the computer. Ironically, many of these projects were websites and blogs that sat while I played Facebook games.
That may sound odd reading it… I’m just sort of spouting off okay? I’m not sure it’s going to make any linear sense.
So, I’m simplifying.
I’ve (possibly temporarily) shut down my collar business. It wasn’t bringing me joy.
I’m in the process of wiping out extra websites that I don’t need. I’m clearing out old projects.. I’m slowly creating order from chaos.
I took a couple baking class. Now you may not know that I was enrolled in culinary school a few years back. I basically took the classes that I thought would be fun. And didn’t take the ones that weren’t. Baking bread.. that is my thing.
Bread is simple
Flour, salt, yeast, water. That’s all you need (unless you make the bread shown above. Then you need potatoes and rosemary… and yes I made that)
Making bread brings me joy in it’s simplicity. Bread is magick. Making bread means that you create something complex from simple, humble ingredients.
Karate brings me joy in it’s simplicity. Sure there is a lot to learn, but the basics are simple. Respect, Focus, Intention, Dedication. If I were to sum up karate, for me, those four words are it. Simple. Technique is important sure, being able to defend yourself, of course… but I keep going back because of the simplicity of the Dojo Kun
Seek perfection of character
Refrain from violent behavior
Karate is making something complex from simple, humble beliefs and techniques. Finally nailing that jump in my kata? Joy. It’s a simple jump when you watch it.. but finally leaping in the air, feeling that power that comes with doing something correctly .. even just once.. knowing, mid air that you are going to nail that landing? Joy.
A website that sits there and does nothing because you started it to get attention or for someone to notice you.. or say wow you are awesome? Desperate. Sad. Pathetic.
Finally figuring out that your worth has nothing to do with other people?