Bride of FrankenCheese

Remember when I made FrankenCheese? I actually made two kinds of FrankenCheese

This was for the From Scratch Club Swap!

This was for the From Scratch Club Swap!

For as much as I love bacon, I wanted to try something different with that second batch.

Ok, I’m lying.

I burnt the bacon.

I know.. I know..  horrible, horrible crime against the porky goodness, but I just.. well, I wasn’t paying attention, okay?


Well, so anyway, I went digging around in the pantry for things I could do with the basic FrankenCheese Recipe and found this!

I grew these jalapenos and dried them myself! Trufax! Also, they pack a real punch!

I grew these jalapenos and dried them myself! Trufax! Also, they pack a real punch!

and also? This!

I think this speaks for itself, doesn't it?

I think this speaks for itself, doesn’t it?

Folks… this combination.. omg.. I just.. woah..

You know that time that you were sitting at a bar with a nice dark beer and you thought, “hey? I could use a snack.. I think I’ll order some jalapeno poppers to go with the beer”.. and you take a bite of your popper and you slug down a glug of beer and the taste explosion in your mouth is totally freaking awesome?

Yeah, that.. that is this cheese.

FrankenCheese - Chilaxin

FrankenCheese – Chilaxin

What makes this a little different is I used a young (orange) cheddar cheese… you know the stuff. I know you do. It’s cheddar but it’s not RESERVE Cheddar.. it’s not AGED cheddar.. it’s cheddar that’s wrapped in plastic and NOT wax. That’s the shit you want.

So here you go peeps, Bride of FrankenCheese. (I actually like this better than the bacon version. HERESY!)

5 from 1 reviews
Bride of FrankenCheese
A home made melty "American Cheese" with Jalapenos and Beer! It's like a jalapeno popper in your mouth!
  • 3 tablespoon dark beer (drink the rest.. go ahead)
  • One pouch of Knox Gelatin (about two teaspoons)
  • 6 ounces Colby cheese, shredded
  • 6 ounces of young Cheddar cheese, shredded
  • 2 tablespoons to a ¼ cup of dried jalapeno rings (only you know how spicy you like it)
  • 1 tablespoon non-fat powdered milk
  • ¾ teaspoon salt
  • ⅛ teaspoon cream of tartar
  • ½ cup whole milk
  1. Line a small 4in x 5 in tupperware container or aluminum loaf pan with plastic wrap.
  2. Put the beer in a small bowl and sprinkle with the gelatin. Allow to bloom while you do the next bits.
  3. Put the shredded cheeses, jalapenos, milk powder, salt and cream of tartar in your food processor.
  4. Pulse a few times until the jalapenos are minced up.
  5. Heat the milk in a microwave safe bowl until just boiling.
  6. Pour the milk over the gelatin mixture and whisk slowly until the gelatin is melted (try not to create too many bubbles)
  7. Turn on your food processor and drizzle in the milk while it's running.
  8. The FrankenCheese will form into a goopy blob. This is okay
  9. Smash the FrankenCheese into the plastic lined container, smushing to remove as many air bubbles as possible.
  10. Pop in the fridge and leave it there for at least 4 hours. Overnight is better.
The amount of jalapenos you put in should be based on personal taste as well as how spicy your jalapenos are. Mine are VERY hot because I grew them myself.

About Pirate Jeni

Kitchen Witch, Eclectic Spiritualist, Psychic-Medium, Reiki Master, Conscientious Omnivore, Tarot Card Slinger, Singer of Songs, Player of Things with Four Strings.


  1. Dang that looks good & it’s inspiring my next macaroni and cheese! I might kill the husband if I make it too soon though. I made chipotle mac & cheese last Saturday and then I made bbq pork mac & cheese two nights ago. If we ever want to poop again, I’ll have to hold off for a least a week -but thanks in advance for the inspiration!

  2. hahaha!!! I know what you mean… I loooove cheese.. way to much.. My mom will tell you (she’s following this blog now..HI MOM!) that when I was a kid, I was obsessed with the Swiss Colony Catalog “Cheese sets”.. remember those?

    • Sadly, I don’t recall those. My childhood was full of processed cheese spread. The only cheddar I recall being exposed to was from a can. You know, I should at least recognize that my mother did always get blue cheese dressing on her salads from the McDonald’s drive-through and we did eat a lot of cottage cheese out of the tub with added tomatoes and pepper. But the only cheese found in our casseroles was American. If we were lucky and went to my grandmother’s to eat, we were spoiled with the fanciest cheese of all: Velveeta.

      So I didn’t develop my love of real cheese until I moved to the Northeast (where I also discovered that there was WHITE cheese!). Now, on any given day, I could throw together a fairly impressive cheese platter from what I have on hand. Tuesday I made my first chevre, Tuesday night, I made mac and cheese and yesterday we had grilled cheese for lunch (& I can’t tell you what kind of cheese I used because it was a recipe test for America’s Test Kitchen’s home test panel…I will say, it wasn’t American). I love love love it. If my lactose intolerance ever moves beyond uncooked milks and creams I am in trouble.

      • Bummer.. Swiss Colony Catalog is kinda like Hickory Farms. Also, my grandmother used to keep those crappy individually wrapped Kraft American Singles just for me when I would visit. I used to think it was her “special cheese” and I always felt a bit shy asking for a piece. Little did I know she hate that stuff and bought it just for me!

  3. I keep looking at your recipes and the ones in the DIY cookbook for it, and I keep buying the cheese to make my version. They I keep eating the cheese I buy for my version. I love cheese. Obviously.

  4. Pingback: Links: Energy Bars, Fruit Squares, and Winners! - Food in Jars | Food in Jars

  5. Homemade processed cheese food! Awesome! Must Try. [I’ll have to hide my cheese though because I have the same problem that Ida has. Seriously.]

    • We just got an honest to goodness Cheesemonger within **walking distance of my house**.

      Ok.. it’s a schlep but I would do it for cheese!

  6. Pingback: Links: Energy Bars, Fruit Squares, and Winners! - Food in Jars

Leave a Reply