Yesterday, I had the pleasure of taking a Tarot Class with my dear friend George Koury. George is truly one of those people who is wonderful to be around. If you ever have a chance to take one of his classes, I highly recommend going.
I’ve read the Tarot for years. (In a post, in the near future, I’m going to come out of the broom closet and give you all the deets… but not today.) I have always subscribed to the belief that the Tarot is a tool, a way to shut off your left brain and let Spirit speak through you. I don’t “look up” the meanings because the meaning is different every time. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a theme or a suggestion of a meaning. The images give you a starting point. The reader, I think, should look at the image and interpret them in the context of the reading. This is how George teaches the Tarot which was part of the reason why the class was so enjoyable. It certainly wasn’t just dry memorization. It was skill building.
One of the things that George suggested we do to deepen our connection to the Tarot images and to really learn each card is to spend a day with a Tarot card. So I figured I’d give it a shot. The idea is you pull a card in the morning and at the end of the day, you look back at the card and see how it related to your day.
This morning I pulled The Hermit
This card has always resonated with me because I’ve always felt distanced from other people. When I look at this card, what I see is someone alone, looking down from above. You could take this two ways.. that he’s reached a point in his life where he has achieved a wisdom and a knowledge to become someone that other people look up to, or he could be someone he thinks he’s hot shit and above everyone else.
Today, I was reminded of both of these extremes. I have always struggled with being “the smart one” and was often picked on for it. I’ve also struggled with coming across as a know it all. To try to find the balance between helping someone and insulting someone is … tricky.
Today, I chose to listen to my inner wisdom when it came to food. Stress eating is my thing and things have been very stressful at work today. So… very.. stressful. But after yesterday’s wheatapalooza (I ate pizza with macaroni and cheese… and I mean that macaroni and cheese was ON THE PIZZA) I was feeling unwell and pretty aware that I should have maybe.. I dunno.. thought about what I was putting in my mouth instead of going all out hedonistic crazy pants.
I decided to do a sort of fasting day. Not truly fasting but to not eat every 2 hours just because of reasons.
I went with oatmeal for breakfast and by 10AM when I usually am shoving snacks in my face, I was calmly sipping tea and thinking “I got this”.
By lunchtime, I was super confident and feeling fine. Lunch was homemade chicken broth with garlic and red pepper flake. I slowly enjoyed every sip of that broth. I had this. I wasn’t starving. I was in control. I was feeling pretty confident and calm and centered. Almost a peace. I had achieved an awareness. I was the sage hermit on the hill, being kind to my body. Listening and teaching and learning at the same time.
See, Friday was bad.. like.. bad. Like almost in tears at my desk bad. I was short tempered and I know I was snippy. And I know I apologized to more than one person for being short with them. At one point, I remember being incredibly frustrated with things. Most of the time (I’d say 95%) I’m pretty even keel. I roll with the punches.. but Friday was not one of those days.
Today, I was talked to about my attitude on Friday.
How does this tie into the Hermit? I got knocked down off that hill a bit. Suddenly I was back on the ground… back to that know it all kid that no one liked. Back to the kid struggling to fit in. It was so not fun.
And guess what? All I wanted to do was shove cookies in my face after that conversation.
Do I think I deserved to be “spoken to”? I’m not sure. Does it matter? Not really. What I’m taking away from this is that I should remember that for as much as I’d like to be, I’m not alone. There are other personalities around me and I should be mindful of that.
But I’ve also decided to withdraw a bit when it comes to work. To embrace the solitude and the quiet wisdom and peace of the Hermit. I’ve been too willing to talk. Too willing to complain. Not willing enough to just roll with it, do my job and go home.. and leave my job where it belongs.