When we were kids, we had Miracle Whip. Dear Gods we ate that stuff like woah. I loved it. Somewhere along the line I crossed into adulthood and decided the slimy sweet "salad dressing" should never again cross my lips. So I was a mayonnaise gal through and through. Mayonnaise is nothing more than an emulsion. You make two things that should never stick together, like oil and water and you force them to bend to your will and make a creamy smooth puddle of tasty tasty goo... (technical terminology.. I haz it) I first learned about emulsions in In Food Prep classes. It was during the lessons on the five "mother sauces". They are:

• Béchamel: Your standard issue cream sauce. You need it for fantastic things like starting your cheese sauce for macaroni and cheese
• Velouté: basically a white stock (like chicken) thickened with a roux
• Espagnole: sometimes called "brown sauce". It has stock and tomatoes and mirepoix
• Tomato sauce: duh do you need me to tell you? Well, it's not as simple as it sounds but I'm not going into it
• Hollandaise sauce: the bane of my existence. The one no one wanted to make. It requires the most active time. You have to clarify butter, then warm up your egg yolks with a bit of water and lemon juice and sloooooooowly slooooowly whisk the clarified butter into your egg yolks and water. And that bitch will break... it will break if you look at it funny.. when it breaks you get well..

this <-- clicky="clicky" the="the" linky="linky" for="for" a="a" pic="pic" of="of" oogie-ness="oogie-ness"> It can be fixed.. really it can. But it's as much of a pain in the ass as it is to try to make in the first place. Guess who pulled "Hollandaise" as her final exam? This Gal. Guess who flunked? Yep.. me, again. Emulsions and I were not friends for a very long time. Until.. this video from Serious Eats Dude.. home made mayo... in less than 2 minutes. Now you may ask, why not just BUY mayo. This is why: Hellman's Olive Oil Mayo Ingredients

WATER, SOYBEAN OIL, OLIVE OIL, WHOLE EGGS AND EGG YOLKS, MODIFIED POTATO STARCH, VINEGAR, SALT, SUGAR, LEMON JUICE, SORBIC ACID AND CALCIUM DISODIUM EDTA (USED TO PROTECT QUALITY), NATURAL FLAVOR, PAPRIKA OLEORESIN

So, I had to try it. It works.. it makes one cup of mayo that lasts for about 2 weeks (I've pushed it to 3). Keep in mind, however that there is raw egg in here. You have been warned. Also, it totally works.

Get the recipe here: Serious Eats: Two minute Mayo