Many many years ago, I worked with a woman who was obsessed with losing weight (I know.. you’re surprised because there is only one woman on the earth obsessed with losing weight right?). She was reading some health food book or something that basically said GIVE UP RED MEAT! EAT VEGGIES TIL YOU TURN GREEN! EAT LOTS OF FAT-FREE GRANOLA AND BREAD WITH NO BUTTER! HUZZAH! YOU WILL BE THIN AND GORGEOUS!
Or.. in her case, sluggish, miserable and spacey.
For the purposes of this story, let’s call her Princess Anemia.
Princess Anemia had a habit of cornering me and telling me all about what she had for dinner the night before and how GOOD it was.. and how HEALTHY! I’m like, yah, keep talking.. you might eventually believe it if you say it often enough. I got pretty tired of hearing about her chicken pieces “stir fried” in fat free stock and steamed broccoli with nothing on it.. I cannot imagine how boring her food must have been.
One day she came in the office, looking all pasty, wan and glassy eyed from hunger and just RAVING about some dessert she made the night before.
“Oh my gawd!” said Princess Anemia, while leaning against the cubicle wall for support. “You would not believe how FANTASTIC this dessert is! and HEALTHY!”
I mumbled something like “That’s nice” hoping that would discourage the ravings of a woman who seriously needed an iron infusion.
Princess Anemia continued in her shrill, yet slightly weak voice “It’s SO SIMPLE! You take a banana and freeze it and put in in the blender and it tastes JUST LIKE ICE CREAM!”
Let us not forget that I have been fooled by this sort of thing before. I raised an eyebrow, titled my head and gave her my best Spock impression, hoping she would interpret this as “Fascinating” instead of what was really going on in my head.
Yeah, I used to be polite… I got over it.
Aaaaanywho, she rambled on and on and on and I mmhmmm’d and smiled and eyebrow lifted… and in my head I wanted to say.. Look, it’s a fucking banana.. it’s going to taste like a banana.. and I don’t even LIKE bananas.. so shaddup shaddup shaddup about the damn faux banana ice cream.. it’s a BANANA!
Many things have changed since then. I have gotten on my own personal “health kick” but it does not involve fat free anything.. EVER. It involves whole, minimally processed foods.. and I have even learned to love bananas.
While perusing blogs a few weeks ago, I stumbled upon this post from The Kitchn which explained how to make “ice cream” from a banana and suddenly, freakishly I heard Princess Anemia in my head, “It’s SO GOOOOOOD!”
What the hell.. I learned to love spaghetti squash even though it doesn’t taste like spaghetti.. what’s the worst that happens?
You guys? IT TASTES LIKE THE BEST FUCKING ICE CREAM EVAR!
(DISCLAIMER: I have not had ice cream in a very long time. My perception may be skewed just a little bit, but probably not.)