I have no idea what to call these, but they will knock your socks off.

I need a name for these.

Seriously, I don’t know what to call them.

They are no grain, gluten free, paleo friendly (I think?), calorie dense, snack bars with about 4 grams of protein each (if SparkPeople can be believed: I used their calculator).

They are also like crack. Crack snacks? I dunno.

Whatever you want to call them, I had one an hour ago and I’m still jonesing for another.

I came up with these because I was looking to make something like Steve’s Original Paleo Crunch bars… which I ADORE (and which you should totally go buy because Steve has the best damn stuff and it’s for a good cause .. getting inner city kids working out and off the streets, yo) BUT I ran out of them and after putting gas in my car at Four-oh-my-god-the-wallet-is-screaming- dollars a gallon, there wasn’t much left in the kitty for schnacks.

Now, you may think this is odd, but I actually did have all these ingredients in the house. I used my last 1/2 cup of almonds and almost all my honey but damn, it was totally worth it.

These would be perfect, I think after an intense work out. Or maybe mountain climbing or other such vigorous exercise. I know I’ll be packing one (and only one) when we go to NYC on the train next time because the timing of those trips are such that I need a snack or my blood sugar starts to wane and then I’m Miss Crankypants until I can get myself a gyro from a street cart.

I did some research around the internet and found several people had come up with one version or another. Lots of fancy nuts like cashews, macadamia nuts, hazelnuts.. etc etc.

I have walnuts. Cheap. Healthy. Satisfying.

So I used walnuts and they came out awesome. So with a little guidance an proportions from the internet (and freakishly as I’m typing this, I noticed someone pinned a recipe freakishly similar!), I give you..

Grain-NO-la bars! (no.. not that either)

Measure your nuts and toast them slightly in a dry pan on low, just until you can smell them. Dump them out onto a cutting board

Chopped nuts

Give them a rough chop and dump them into a heat safe bowl

Coconut and Pumpkin seeds

Mix in the unsweetened coconut, pumpkin seeds, raisins and cinnamon

Cook the butter and honey until bubbling.

Pour the butter/honey mix over the top of your nut mixture, mix together and dump into an 8×8 pan lined with parchment.

Smush them down pretty well here

Before baking

After baking you need to let these cool until firm. I think next time, I might try less honey because the bottom was pretty gooey. (UPDATE: I cut the honey down to 1/4 cup and they were way better)

Gooooey

I cut these into 12 bars before I did the calorie/protein count etcetera… cut them into 16. Trust me.

Yummy

Ta-dah!

The middle of the batch was still a little soft, but I think it’ll firm up pretty well in the fridge. You are going to want to wrap these individually and store in the fridge so they stay kinda firm.

5 from 1 reviews
Knock Yer Socks Off Grain Free Granola Bars
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 16 bars
 
Grain Free, Gluten Free, Refined Sugar Free, Paleo Friendly Granola Bars... yes really.
Ingredients
  • ½ cup almonds
  • 1½ cups walnuts
  • 1 cup unsweetened, shredded coconut
  • 1 cup pumpkin seeds
  • ½ cup golden raisins
  • 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
  • ¼ cup honey
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Instructions
  1. Preheat the oven to 300 degrees
  2. Line a glass 8x8 baking dish with parchment paper, with the paper going up the sides
  3. Put the nuts in a dry skillet over low heat and toast them, shaking the pan once in a while so they don't burn (if toasting nuts worries you, skip it)
  4. Roughly chop the nuts and put in a heat safe bowl
  5. Stir in the coconut, seeds, raisins and cinnamon
  6. Melt the butter and honey over heat (I used the same skillet that I toasted the nuts in)
  7. Heat until the mixture bubbles and cook for about 30 seconds
  8. Stir the vanilla into the honey mixture
  9. Pour the honey mixture over the nut mixture and stir to coat
  10. Dump the mix into your baking dish. Lay another sheet of parchment over the top and smash it down tight. Get the mix as flat and compacted as you can. Take the top layer of parchment off
  11. Bake in the over for 30 minutes, turning once ½ way through if your oven has hot spots.
  12. Let cool completely before turning out onto a cutting board.
  13. Cut into 16 portions.
Notes
The original recipe had ½ cup of honey.. this was too much. Using only ¼ cup of honey sticks everything togther and you dont' have to wrap these individually.
Nutrition Information
Serving size: 1 bar

Five Food Finds Under $50

I have half a post all typed up about how Roto Rooter tried to ream me instead of my main sewer line.. but .. 

I don’t wanna finish it.. it’s all about negativity and bleh and the lack of integrity etc etc… let’s just leave it at I hope to hell that all the tree roots are finally taken care of and I don’t have to deal with crap (literally) in my basement ever again. 

Instead, in the spirit of the Holiday Season, I give you my favorite 5 Things under $50.00.. (Many are much much less than $50.00) 

You know, in case you need a last minute something. They are all something to ingest… because that is the kind of gal that I am. The are in order from highest price to lowest. 

Number Five for $35.95
Oscar’s Variety Pack of Smokehouse Awesomeness:
We ordered this for our holiday meal. It includes: 

Oscar's Variety Pack

5-6 lb. hickory smoked 1/2 boneless ham
1 lb. of lean tender maple bacon
1 bacon cheese spread 7 oz.
1 smoked cheddar cheese bar 8 oz. 

So far, we’ve saved everything but the bacon. Yes, we had bacon.. How can you resist bacon? (Just ask Kristi… bacon is meant to be eaten with gusto.)
I tossed some bacon into a frying pan and the fantastic smell that drifted up almost knocked my socks off. It reminded me of cooking bacon over a campfire, something we did often as kids while camping. And this bacon hardly shrunk at all. Sweet, salty and meaty. I’ll never by bacon from the grocery store again. 

Number Four: 8 for $22.00 (or 4 for $11.00)
Bouboulettes from Un Petit Morceau are the most intriguing little morsels I’ve ever had. I’m exceptionally fussy about baked goods.. ok, I’m a baked good snob. I fancy myself a bit of an amateur pastry chef since I tucked a few classes under my belt. You would just die if you had my chocolate espresso cake. Seriously. I’ve killed people with that thing. (ok not for real, but people have said they have died and gone to heaven.. it’s that good) 

Bouboulettes

Un Petit Morceau was founded by Nana Vistor (yes, the Star Trek one) and the original four come in the following flavors: 

Chocolate Cherry Chipotle– A shortbread-like cookie combined with the subtle flavors of dried cherries and chipotle pepper. It is filled with a moist cherry merlot center, then dipped in fine Belgian chocolate.
Ginger Rosemary – Laced with a hint of rosemary, then filled with a moist, sweet ginger center and finished with course sugar crystals.
Lavender Plum – A delicate blend of lavender and earl grey tea filled with a rich plum center, then glazed with white chocolate.
Lemon Basil – Introduces the touch of fresh basil filled with a moist, very lemon center, then finished with a flourish of green 

They have some yummy flavors for the holidays too. We haven’t cracked into that box yet. We have ordered so many of these that they cut us off … really. They said we needed to “take a break”. Evidently we are a smidge clingy. 

Number Three: for $19.99
Sweet Riot Cocoa Nibs Happy Happy Merry Merry Three pack

I discovered these little gems at the NYC Chocolate Show this past year.. where I (gasp!) spoke to François Payard (ok.. he handed me my change and said “here you go”. But it counts!) 

Errr.. ok.. back to Sweet Riot. 

Sweet Riot Cocoa Nibs

I brought home Flavor 70, which is 70% cacao chocolate and espresso coated cocoa nibs. Major chocolate flavor.. itty bitty calorie count. The three pack includes a tin of Flavor 50 (50% cacao), Flavor 65 (65% cacao.. are you sensing a theme?) and Flavor 70.
Very nom for the chocolate lover counting calories.  Easy to toss in a bag for mobile chocolate craving smashing. 

Number Two: for $15.00
A six pack of Betties Cupcakes

Dee Dee

Readers, you need to be local for these. Sorry. We got hooked on Bettie’s Cupcakes when her double decker pink cupcake bus when it was parked in our neighborhood. Bettie has standard flavors like chocolate with vanilla icing etc but also, every week has three limited run flavors. My favorite, so far was the Key Lime Pie.

Bettie has the cupcakery cafe in Saratoga Springs, NY and a temporary location in Colonie Center, in Albany, NY. If you want to know where Dee Dee (the pink bus) and Cee Cee (the white truck) are you need to follow Bettie on Twitter  

Number one: for $15.00
YIKES! Awesome Seasoning Blend 

I found Yikes at the NYS Sheep and Wool Festival. You get a GIANT tub (ok, it’s a pint) for $15.00 and this stuff truly is awesome. I have no idea what is in it, but it provides heat without sacrificing flavor.

Yikes! It's Awesome

Our favorite way to use this is on steak.. sprinkle both sides and grill to perfection. It’s also very very good on chicken. You could even make a dip out of this stuff. Anywhere you need a spicy seasoning blend. I’ve made roasted chickpeas with it too.  Lasts forever…  makes Awesome Food

So there you have it folks, My Five Food Finds under $50.00

Eat, Snack and Be Merry. Happy Holidays!