Before we get to the topic at hand, can we just take a minute first and talk about this? Helen fucking Mirren.... boom. Speaking of werking it.. (ha... you see what I did there? Queen of the segue, eh?) I have been trying to work out more and I'm lucky that my office has a small gym that I can use to torture myself for 30 minutes a day. What it doesn't have, however is a changing room. So I have to change in the bathroom, which is so not a big deal... Except... We have automatic flushing toilets. You know where I'm going with this. I mean, let's get real, here. Some of them don't flush unless you jump up and down in front of them and then have to resort to pushing the button which defeats the purpose of the auto flush AMIRITE? OR You wiggle just a tiny bit, say you want to scratch your ear while you're taking care of business and WHOOOSH! you get a lovely little splash on your ass and lady bits. There is one of the toilets that I swear honesttogawd thinks it's a bidet. Ladies, I gotchyo ass covered. It's stupid simple and I can't believe I didn't think of it. Someone else told me. A piece of toilet paper over the sensor before you sit down. You get up, get your clothing adjusted and whip that paper off and into the bowl while you oh so effortlessly dance away, splash free.