I mean.. ok something.. but I kept seeing these earth shattering posts about "I did yoga for 30 days and my life changed forever!"
Uh.. ok sure.
Listen, I'm not saying yoga hasn't been beneficial. It for sure has. But has it been life changing? No.. it's been.. well.
I didn't lose weight. (wasn't a goal anyway). I only got a teeny bit stronger and there are days I just... didn't want to .. really did not want to.
There were days I got up at 5:45 AM and rolled out the mat, turned on the incense warmer and got to it with enthusiasm.
There were days I spent 10 minutes convincing myself to drag my ass out of the nice cozy warm bed and half ass a 20 minute sesh.
There were days, I spent 10 minutes weeping in child pose for unknown reasons.
There were days I slept in and did a 5 minute stretch before bed.
There were days I took a ten minute break from work so I didn't FUCKING LOSE MY SHIT and just focused on breathing like a human and not a snorting puffing dragon who was working up a good head of fire to burn all the shit down.
So what actually did happen?
I learned that all of these things are yoga and all of these days counted as doing yoga.
That was the life shifting part. Yes, I have done things that I didn't think my body could do.. and sticking with something longer than I ever thought I would but really what I'm learning .. is.. well..
Grace for myself.
Grace in allowing things to be less than perfect
Grace to meet myself where I am
I have been laboring under the illusion that if, haha, I can stay in plank for 10 breath cycles on Tuesday, then I can that exact thing any and every day.
This is a lie.
One of my primary job functions these days is training other humans on new skills. This is invariably what happens.
Day 1: New information given verbally, demonstrated and supporting reference tools are provided in the form of written cheat sheets.
Day 2 -10: Person performs new tasks. I provide feedback both verbally and in writing.
Day 10 -20 : Person has a firm grasp on basic knowledge and actions. I'm available for continuing support.
Day 21: Person forgets the nominal yet critical "housekeeping" tasks. Literally every single one of them forgets the simple things like checking specific boxes for filling in certain fields. And they will swear up and down that I "never told them that" even if I show it to them on the cheat sheets.
It's wild. I've trained I dunno probably 10 new people in the past two years and have provided ongoing training for existing staff for new aspects of their job and it happens to every single one of them.
I've gotten to where I start my first day for a brand new person saying "You are going to forget a lot of this and swear that I never told you any of this even if it's in writing and you have notes on it. In about three weeks, your brain will absolutely refuse to believe that this isn't brand new information. This is ok. This is how brains work".
Turns out.. bodies work that way too. Or at least mine does.
My arms, so strong on Tuesday.. on Thursday are pretty clear about saying "oh fuck no chaturanga.. nope.. .. this is not happening" and I fall flat on my face.
My hips, super into pigeon pose on Monday will absolutely swear this is not a position they have EVER held by Friday.
I have finally figured out that I can give myself space for my body and mind to be in a different place very time I come to the mat.
Of course, the trick is going to be to remember that.