Every time I get a billing notice for the hosting for this blog, I think.. I should write more.
But the thing is, I have not had time or energy for years. My spouse.. she got cancer… and I took care of her.. and then.. she died.
And now it’s been just me for almost two years and it has not been a great journey to be honest.
I don’t want to get into the details or talk about how grief and loss color everything you do or how for a while there… well it wasn’t great.
I did not expect to be a widow at 51. I didn’t expect the memory of every holiday be colored with a memory of an emergency room visit or too much time in a hospital.. or in an infusion room… why does the shit hit the fan on holidays anyway?
So, cooking.. something I loved doing for her.. and me.. became a chore instead of a pleasure. And for a long time, I just didn’t cook.
I have spoken with a lot of widows and widowers over the past 18 months and one of the things we all struggle with is feeding ourselves. Cooking for one.
Newsflash: it sucks.
But I’m finally finding a way that works for me and I think I’m going to start sharing what that’s like. Maybe that will help someone else who is struggling to figure out “what’s for dinner” like I was. Mostly, I’m trying to make big batches of relatively balanced meals and then popping them in the freezer.
It’s working. Mostly.
I also have more time and energy now because after 20 years with the company I worked for, I changed jobs. I now have less responsibility (I’m no longer in management) and I’m 100% remote so my commute is walking downstairs. I also get an hour for lunch which means I get a real break mid-day.
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